So I lied about not showing pictures of myself. Here I am sat next to a sexy rock.
My name is Elizabeth Anne-Louise Potter. I like salt and vinegar crisps (nuclear-grade*, none of your insulting ‘cider vinegar gourmet kettle chip’ nonsense). I like The Sound of Music, floury baps, the blue dress Cinderella wears in the Ladybird hardback. I like vicious political satire and Foreigner’s ‘I Wanna Know What Love Is’. I couldn’t name a single respectable classical piece that would do me credit on Desert Island Discs. I’m proudly atheist, humanist, feminist and I’m waiting for Marks & Spencers’ to start an online delivery service in a similar way to some people await parole. I run, lift weights, do yoga and then I sit, eat extremely spicy food, drinks margaritas and fall over.
I grew up in Driffield, East Yorkshire and worked in my dad’s shop on Saturdays and school holidays. Here, I became expert at gift-wrapping and staying upright after no sleep because of clubbing at Back to Basics the night before. I was the school swot and couldn’t see a single reason why that was a problem, unlike the girls in my year who almost to a woman wanted to bray my head in. As a result I’m brilliant at a Hull/East Coast accent as long as it’s saying the following sentence: ‘Oo does she f***ing fink she is? F***ing Posho Potter. I’m going to bray her f***ing ed in.’ Ask me to do it one day and you, too, can get a shiver down your spine at the prospect of being pasted on the netball court.
I’m married with 4 children and I live in London, UK. Both of these facts are the least interesting things about me but also (easily) the most dominant and time-consuming. Once I was a TV presenter and reporter but now I’m all grown up.
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION BECAUSE I’VE JUST FOUND OUT PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY READING THIS AND I SOUND LIKE A BIT OF AN AIRHEAD WITH A SALT ADDICTION:
My favourite cultural things are Raiders of the Lost Ark & The Life of Brian, Remains of the Day & Midnight’s Children, The Beatles’ Revolver, The Velvet Underground’s The Velvet Underground, Primal Scream’s Screamadelica, The Streets’ Original Pirate Material & Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds’ The Skeleton Tree but ask me tomorrow and at least two of those will have changed (but not Revolver or Raiders… ever).
* Salt & Vinegar Discos, Walkers, Walkers Extra Crunchy (sadly discontinued but NOT FORGOTTEN), Lays (special mention for our Yankee brethren), Fish ‘n’ Chips, Chipsticks, Twirls, Ridges. If pushed, I’ll extend to a Pickled Onion Monster Munch or a Scampi Fry, by dint of them both being brutal bitches of the crispy snack world, but I have to discount them from the shortlist on a technicality.